The Missing Mirror
Healing the wounds you didn't create.
I look into my son's eyes and I see a reflection that is fractured. He is searching for a version of himself that was lost long before he could even speak the word "mother."
A void I didn't create
As an adoptive/caregiving parent, I am often trying to heal wounds I didn't inflict and fill a void I didn't create. There is a "missing mirror" in their life—a gap where a sense of belonging should be—and no matter how much love I pour in, the vessel feels like it has a hole in the bottom.
We talk about "behavior" as if it's a choice, but for my son, it's a language. It's a scream for a reflection that makes sense.
Rebuilding, one shard at a time
I've had to stop looking for traditional "progress" and start looking for the tiny moments of connection. We are rebuilding a mirror, one shard at a time. It's slow, it's painful, and it's the hardest work I've ever done.
- Stop measuring traditional progress
- Look for tiny moments of connection
- Rebuild the mirror, one shard at a time
But I'm not giving up on the boy behind the glass.